When the cast came off after one week, I found a foreign hand attached to my arm. It made me nauseous.
Now, 5 days post-cast, it seems like I'll never be normal again. It feels like it's been months. Like I'm done riding and running forever. I'm adjusting to a new life.
Yes, I realize that I will heal... That I will run again (likely within a week or so), and that I will race the Boston Marathon in 5 weeks, and that I will compete in Ironman Canada in August.
But, I've lost something and I cant figure it out. I seem to have lost my love or my care for it all right now. I rode the trainer yesterday for about 15 minutes before I gave it up. I ride because I like being outside and being fast. I do NOT like the trainer. I do not like riding indoors.
I stayed up until 1:30am Friday night, watching a movie, while Tyson slept soundly, resting before his 90 mile ride Saturday morning. I don't stay up like that! But I needed to do something different because my normal routine is botched right now.
Food - i have developed a new, utility-based relationship with food over the last year. I eat because I need to. And, I don't have the need I had two weeks ago, so I find myself not eating or not remembering how to be "normal" about eating. It's only been a year, and I'm all messed up about food already??
Time... What do I do with all this extra time? What did I do before triathlons?
Hmmmm... Struggling here. Let's see what the next week holds.
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