When the cast came off after one week, I found a foreign hand attached to my arm. It made me nauseous.
Now, 5 days post-cast, it seems like I'll never be normal again. It feels like it's been months. Like I'm done riding and running forever. I'm adjusting to a new life.
Yes, I realize that I will heal... That I will run again (likely within a week or so), and that I will race the Boston Marathon in 5 weeks, and that I will compete in Ironman Canada in August.
But, I've lost something and I cant figure it out. I seem to have lost my love or my care for it all right now. I rode the trainer yesterday for about 15 minutes before I gave it up. I ride because I like being outside and being fast. I do NOT like the trainer. I do not like riding indoors.
I stayed up until 1:30am Friday night, watching a movie, while Tyson slept soundly, resting before his 90 mile ride Saturday morning. I don't stay up like that! But I needed to do something different because my normal routine is botched right now.
Food - i have developed a new, utility-based relationship with food over the last year. I eat because I need to. And, I don't have the need I had two weeks ago, so I find myself not eating or not remembering how to be "normal" about eating. It's only been a year, and I'm all messed up about food already??
Time... What do I do with all this extra time? What did I do before triathlons?
Hmmmm... Struggling here. Let's see what the next week holds.
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Motivations will come and go. Our personal constitution will be challenged from time to time... it is our inner spirit what will allow us to triumph, not a finish line. Because what does a finish line beget, but another journey.
ReplyDeleteOh girl, it will get better I promise! I struggled through so many years of injury after injury and never knowing when I was going to get better. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. You know it's funny now too. After so many years of having what I loved being taken away from me…now I don't feel that same crazy burn out a lot of other people do. A lot of people ask me how i have the desire to train so much…and I think it's from having it all taken away. Makes you appreciate what you CAN do.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! Can't wait to ride with you :-) And, so excited you are doing Canada… It's amazing!
Kevin, best post ever. Hang in there Teri, you'just got started in the sport and you'll still be in it with us 30 years from now. This is just a minor setback; gives you some time to regroup. Oh, and put the trainer OUTSIDE! ;)
ReplyDeletegrrr...feeling like that is hard...I was told once I will never be able to walk in a normal shoe again. My first reaction was: Screw you, I am a runner. I am going to run again. But the long recovery (6 months) made it really hard and I thought the exact same thing...what would I do without running? Or sports? It is really hard Teri, but you have to stay strong and believe in yourself. You are a great athlete and in the short time that you have been a Triathlete you have accomplished soooooooo much!!! There are a lot more accomplishments in your NEAR future. The arm will heal, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!! Call me next time you need a trainer buddy-trust me, I have gossip material that will keep you entertained for at least three hours!!! I am also pretty good at drinking wine + laughing if you get bored due to your hubby being sleepy!!! Let me know!!! YOU WILL BE BACK IN NO TIME!!!
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